I never used to like telling people about my anxiety. There was always a worry that people would see it as a weakness. I guess I worried about that because I saw it as a weakness myself. I still have that fear today, honestly, but it isn’t nearly as bad as it was when I was younger.
A big part of why my relationship with anxiety has changed is because I started talking. Not just to a therapist, although therapy is incredibly helpful – but to everyone. Just the act of talking about anxiety takes its power away if you ask me.
Now I talk about my anxiety whenever the opportunity presents itself.
It’s always interesting to discuss my anxiety with someone new. Outwardly, I portray a very personable and outgoing energy, seemingly pretty confident. I’m now able to go from situation to situation effectively, but I think a lot of this is born from a drastic need to be liked—and it wasn’t always that way.
My anxiety stems from being in social situations. I am very uncomfortable being put on the spot or getting into a situation where I feel ill-prepared. Usually that doesn’t compute with people, being that my career constantly puts me in these kinds of positions each and every day.
That part of it is difficult to explain, I get that. I do feel a major sense of reward when I’m in the public eye – but it’s terrifying at the same time.
Years ago, seemingly in a different life, I was acting successfully in Chicago – before my anxiety really began. But once it kicked in, I was too scared to continue. It all seemed like it was too much, so I quit. I felt like such a failure, but at least I could skate by a bit easier. After years of doing things career-wise that I wasn’t entirely passionate about, the life I was leading felt emptier than when I was trying to push through my anxiety doing what I wanted.
I haphazardly found my way into radio, which was a perfect way to be in front of people without actually being in front of them. After years of building up confidence on the mic and MCing smaller events, my confidence started to build; plus, I’ve had so many panic attacks in public situations that I can’t even count them anymore.
The more you do something, the easier it becomes. If you can put yourself out of your comfort zone here and there, maybe you can start to do those things more and more frequently thereafter. It’s tough – sitting through a panic attack – but you survive and do it again, and again, and so on. You do it so many times that eventually, going through a panic attack isn’t the worst thing in the world anymore.
I’m still on my journey. I still continue to take on opportunities that will make me uncomfortable – and even though sometimes it’s incredibly difficult, I take solace in the fact that I’m not allowing my anxiety to dictate my life.
Lean into the ones you love and who love you – and as per usual, if you ever feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to, email me at Rocki@wnns.com.
I’ll always be here to talk.
Here are some cute puppies!
